The Paradox of Transacting and Giving, Eventually a Host

We Transact, But Want to Give

Although Canal Alliance is a non-profit organization and has the framework of wanting to be a ‘gifting’ organization, of which it definitely displays in some aspects, they also have developed some characteristics of a ‘transacting’ organization. When I think about the kids at Canal Alliance and their goofy, energetic attitudes, I have had the thought similar to “How do people without material things, with very few resources except themselves and each other, create such happiness?” (p. 156) in the sense that I know the kids live in impoverished situations and homes, yet they still have moments of joy and cheerfulness. I also notice the generosity among some of the staff and students who never show characteristic of jealousy or competition, but simply “enjoy each other and encourage each other” (p.156). I feel that deep-down I know Canal Alliance and the people who work there have good intentions or started with them, but with time, money, and power some people and possibly the organization itself has gotten caught up in the “culture of Homo economicus” (p. 154). The bargaining, bribing, threatening, and paradox of consuming (p. 154).  is ever-present, and not surprisingly so and it is a part of our culture and times, but is often unnoticed as a infectious mode of acting and interacting. Even as I reflect on my own service-learning at Canal Alliance, I have fallen into the selfish questioning, of “what will I get out of this?” and/or put conditions on my ‘gifts’, even though I know that I have also wanted people “to simply have it.” I have wanted recognition, approval, and appreciation, which goes to show the drive within me to act in competition and self-interest. I notice this with other volunteers and staff at Canal Alliance. I do not want to judge or ‘hate’ them for it, as I too have these faults, but I do wish the conversation and awareness could be brought up in dialogue. We all yearn for “creating relationships of immeasurable value” (p. 158).

A Host Indeed

The comfy room on the second floor of the mansion was lit with morning light and warmth. Although the walls were bland and the furniture awkwardly placed, the grand redwood table by the window felt like I was sitting in a secure dining room in a house. Alexandra walked in smiling and extending her hand graciously. As we sat with the intention of the official, recorded interview, we began engaging each other in friendly conversation to get to know each other. As time passed we had talked about ourselves and our own lives, but also about the Canal, the project, and our experiences with different community members and leaders in the Canal. Soon, two and a half hours had flown b y, and we hadn’t even started our interview. As we both noticed the time, acknowledged enjoying each others company and stories, we decided to get back on track. We began the legitimate interview, but as Alexandra spoke, even her intellectual, judicious answers were cordial and honest. “I think my piece, my strategy is to really get involved with community and really gain their trust and this is huge for me. My strategy is to be able to listen to the story, gain a community residents trust, and be able to help them access their resources and have their voices heard at whatever level they need.” Throughout the interview and our conversations, Alex constantly referred to her ‘clients’ and Canal residents as equals, who deserved the development of trust and friendship. As she is a service provider and works to ‘help’ people though, I wouldn't simply consider her a friend to many, but a host within the community.

In reflecting on my newly-developed relationship with Alexandra, and comparing my personal conversations with her to the interview transcription and Walk Out, Walk On, I realize just how much she embodies a “leader who journeyed from hero to host, has seen the negative dynamics of politics and opposition that hierarchy breeds…and has instead become curious” (p. 212). In her past, Alexandra has worked for many different organizations and groups within the Canal and outside and could tell stories for days about corruption, power, and privilege and yet she still holds a completely non-jaded view about the canal residents and people in general. She still continues to do the work she so obviously loves. “They [hosts] used their positional power to convene people, not tell them what to do” (p.212). Alexandra implicitly revealed her abilities and generosity to extend her hand to people by encouraging them to speak their minds, to say what they want and need, and to just listen to their voices. She is a host indeed and one that I admire and respect greatly.